Spooky Spiders

How to UNINTENTIONALLY Scare the

Heck Out of Your 25 Year-old Son

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From: Mom

Subject: package

To: Doug

Date: Tuesday, October 27, 2009 11:33 PM

Doug, I forgot to tell you today that there is a small package coming tomorrow for you. Be careful of the spider and the toothpicks - that's all I'm gonna say about that. LOL.

Enjoy.

From: Doug
Subject: Re: package

To: Mom

Date: Wednesday, October 28, 2009, 1:30 AM

MOM, I'm just gonna throw out the box. I don't want a spider to jump in my face. You better not have mailed me a spider. I will freak! - Doug

From: Doug
Subject: Re: package
To: Mom
Date: Wednesday, October 28, 2009, 3:14 PM

Hi Mom. I got the package. Thank you for the krispie eyeballs and spider. They will be delicious. You should've seen me try to open the box. I was scared you actually put a real spider in the box. I slowly opened each flap of the box and I had a can of Raid next to me. Good job on creeping me out Mom.

- dougie

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Ok, you know your kid is watching too many late-night scary movies when he assumes his own mother is sending him spiders via UPS.

Was he imagining I had impaled them alive on toothpicks and mounted them to foam boards? Then wrung my hands in glee just before I sealed the box and handed it off to the hunky driver wearing brown? Arachnophobia anyone? (In all fairness, he did have a scary encounter with a pretty good sized spider in my family room.)

I was telling my co-worker about Doug's assumption of what I sent him as a Halloween treat. She owns two Tarantulas and thought it was a MARVELOUS idea to send Doug the shell from her little baby the next time it molts.

That's awful. I could NEVER do that.

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Dear Doug,

Don't watch this movie after 9pm.

Signed,

Your Mother